Mischievousness in the Wrong Hands
by HermioneK
Summary: A series of Death Note one-shots that centers around mischievousness and hilarity in the hands of four *ahem* men: Matt, Mello, L, Light
1. DoubleU

DoubleU

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. But I own a plushie. That I made. Boo-ya.**

Mello's POV:

Matt was sitting on the futon playing his DS and I was eating chocolate when, out of nowhere he said this:

"Mello?"

"Yeah?" I asked

"You know what's a stupid letter? W," he continued, not waiting for my reply. "You know why it's a stupid letter? Because it doesn't look like two 'u's put together, hence the 'double u', it looks like two 'v's. So from now on, I'm going to call it 'doublev'. You in?"

"Uh-huh," I said while nodding. I was still trying to take in this whole rant. He hardly ever talked that much at one time.


	2. Lack of Backspace Keys

Lack of Backspace Keys

**Disclaimer: I don't own Matt, Near, or Death Note. Or Glee.**

I walked in to Near's dorm this morning and set his iPod on his bed. Hey, he had the latest episode of Glee downloaded and I wanted to see it. But I didn't have enough money to buy it. I may be a genius, but I'm not above the authority.

I was just going to leave his room when I saw him walking upstairs with a handful of keyboards.

He came in, set about a dozen on his bed, and started sorting them all.

"Near?" I asked tentatively.

"Mmmm?" he asked with his chin cupped in his hand, the other twirling his hair. He was clearly deep in thought.

"What did you do with your keyboards?"

"Well, I had all the backspace keys removed because they are useless and take up unnecessary space."

"What happens if you need to use that key?"

"I never use it, because I never make mistakes. It's as simple as that."


	3. Pi Day

Pi Day

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pi Day or Death Note.**

Roger burst out of his room; brimming with a sudden epiphany. He ran into Watari's room, closed the door and heavily discussed an idea he had for the children. How he loved challenging them. But nothing he ever did seemed to be hard enough. They always completed it way too easily. But he thought that this task would be good for them. _This_ should be somewhat of a challenge.

"Near! Did you see that?" Sophie, aka 'S' bound into Near's room, bursting with curiosity.

"Yes I did," he said calmly and void of emotion. "My hypothesis is that Roger has come up with some sort of make-believe challenge for us Whammy's kids to try and comply to. But it will be too easy and not a challenge."

Sophie's mouth gaped open. _How did he get all that out of Roger running into Watari's room?_

"Dear Sophie, I have been at Whammy's house longer than most people. The only times Roger runs into Watari's room is when they must heavily talk about something, usually about 'the kids'. I have heard Roger whispering in the hallways about trying to challenge us. Thus, they must be talking about a challenge for us."

"Well. Okay then. Nice talking with you." And with that, Sophie turned on her heel and fled the room.

"Children! Children! Listen up!" called Roger, standing at Watari's side, at breakfast the following morning. "As you all know, today is March 12th. In two days, March 14th, Whammy's house will be holding a competition for Pi Day. Whoever can memorize the most digits of Pi will win a brand new DSI XLRS. That is all," he said, stepping down from the podium.

"So Near," called Mello in a singsong voice "bet you think you're gonna win that DSI, don't ya? Well, I've got news for ya, buddy. I'm gonna win it, and then _I'll_ be first at Whammy's."

"Mello, I am not going to stoop to your lower-thinking level mind games. They're just as low as mimicry, which, is so low, that we're not even allowed to do it at Whammy's. We must think of other ways to put our opponents in a funk. This is not one of them. Go _study your digits_ and come back to me when you have a real insult." I left Mello with his mouth gaping open like a fish.

Matt's POV

I was sitting on my couch playing Mario Kart when all of a sudden Mello threw open the door and came charging in.

"That _stupid_ Near! Thinks he's _soooo_ better than me. Well, I'll show him on March 14th. The Pi Day competition is on!" And with that he ran over to the computer and printed out 300 digits of Pi.

"Quiz me!" he said.

"No." I bluntly replied.

"Yes! Do you want to lose to Near? Do you? Do ya? Huh? Huh?"

"If I help you, will you shut up?"

"Yes."

"Fine then! I'll help you! Now shut up!" So guess what I did all night! If you guessed 'studied with Mello _all friggin' night long_' then you have won…..NOTHING! Yay you!

Near's POV

I woke up and stretched; wearing my famous white pajamas. I didn't bother to brush my hair, just twirled my finger around it a little bit. I threw darts at the wall, stacked matches, and then q-tips for good measure. Finally I was ready for Pi Day.

Mello's POV

Wow. We seriously studied 6 hours straight for Pi Day. Amazingly, when I woke up, Matt was already awake. He was huddled in a ball, shaking in the corner, holding his DS.

"Sooooo m-m-many n-n-n-numbers…..soooooo many numbers," he shuddered. He stood up and stomped his foot on the ground. "You can find a new 'study buddy'. Because I will _never_ do that again. I have never studied that long for anything in my life. You better win that damn competition or I swear to God you will not wake up tomorrow morning." He shrugged his furry vest over his shoulders and walked out of the room. Correction: _his _room. I wondered how long it would take him to realize that. He must've really fried his brains last night.

Matt's POV

We studied _6 hours straight_ for that _damn_ competition. My brain was more fried from that then all the cigarettes I smoked in my whole freaking _life_. I tried to play my DS, but my brain was so fried that I couldn't even do that. Can you imagine me without my DS? That's like, L with socks on. Or Mello without leather. Or Near without white pajamas. We descend into anarchy.

"Sooooo m-m-many n-n-n-numbers…..soooooo many numbers," I said, shuddering. I stood up. This was it. I was leaving. I was _so_ done with this. Never again would this happen. "You can find a new 'study buddy'. Because I will _never_ do that again. I have never studied that long for anything in my life. You better win that damn competition or I swear to God you will not wake up tomorrow morning." I shrugged my vest up over my shoulders and walked out of my room. Yes, I did just say that I walked out of my own room.

Mello's POV

I was so nervous. I couldn't believe it. Today was the day. Today was the day I would finally beat Near.

"Children that are participating in the Pi Day challenge, please make your way up to the stage, front and center."

Guess who came up to the stage? Only Near, Matt, and I. Huh. I really thought more kids woulda come up. Whatever. Less competition I guess.

"Mello, you first," said Watari. _Damn. Why did I have to go first?_

"Umm okay. Here goes: 3**.(Mello says 63 digits, but the dumb thing cuts this off.)"** But then I faltered. I couldn't remember anything else! Why not? I studied 6 hours! I got past this! But this was all I could do! I gulped and said "Uh, that's it."

"Thank you Mello," said Roger. "That was very impressive. Please sit down now. Near, it's your turn."

"3**.(Near says about 200)"** He turned his stupid, smug little platinum head toward me and smiled. He beat me. That frickin' kid beat me! I pulled out some chocolate and ate it while I hung my head dejectedly.

"This concludes our competition. Congratulations, Near. You've won!" called Roger.

_AHEM!_ Matt cleared his throat.

Roger looked at him, startled. "Umm, Matt, would you like to go?"

"Yes Roger. I studied _6 hours for this_! I think I deserve my chance, don't you?" (He turned and looked right at me when he said '_6 hours for this_'. Gee, I wonder why he would look at _me_?)

"Well, yes. Please go."

"3**.(Matt says about 30 trillion digits, but the computer cut this off.)"**

Everybody just _looked_ at Matt. Nobody could believe he actually remembered that many. _I_ couldn't believe he remembered that many. No wonder he was shuddering in a corner this morning.

"Uh-um-uhmm-Okay then!" Said Roger, finally collecting himself. "Matt is now the proud owner of this DSI XLRS! Congratulations Matt!"

"Matt!" I called out to him as we walked off the stage. I needed to ask him now, before he got way too obsessed with his game. And knowing him that would take all of 30 seconds. "How did you remember so many digits?"

"Mello," he said with utmost patience. "Never doubt my mad skillz when there are video games involved."

Huh. I should've thought of that earlier.

**A/N: BTW, we did this exact same thing at my school, and the amount that Mello has memorized is how much I memorized. Now, more than four years later, I still know it.**


	4. The Lesson

The Lesson

**Disclaimer: I do not own Matt or Mello.**

Matt's POV

Mello had decided that this would be good for me. Mello, not for the first time, was wrong. He was dead wrong. This had to be one of his worst ideas.

Mello said this would open new doors. He said this would 'enhance his learning skills' and 'increase cognitive ability'. Mello was wrong.

I sat there, staring at the iPod; my patience level decreasing exponentially along with the same rate my frustration level increased. _This was soooo stupid!_

"'Guten Tag'. Repeat after me: 'Guten Tag'."

"I _got_ it already. I learned it the first three-thousand times you said it! _Guten Tag_ means _good friggin' day_! I know _bitte_ means _please_, too! We did that one for 3 hours, too! We already went over this!"

"Guten Tag."

"Ugghhhh! Can we please move onto something else?"

"Okay, now we're going to learn a new word."

"Yes! Finally, something new!"

"Guten Morgen!"

"Ugh!" I hung my head in despair. I would do anything for Mello, but this was taking it to an _extreme_.

"Play the next track tomorrow to learn how to say 'thank you'," the computer's voice said.

"No! I will _not_ 'play the next track tomorrow' because this was a perfectly good was of _frickin' video game time_! I could've beaten two whole video games in the time it took to complete this damn lesson. And what did I get out of it? Nothin'! Squat, zilch, nix, nada, goose egg, zippo, _frickin' nothing_!"

"Wow. I didn't know you felt so strongly about a CD that teaches you German, Matt. It was supposed to help you."

I jumped a foot in the air. I hadn't heard Mello return from the grocery store.

"Help me? You think that was supposed to help me? That was one of the biggest wastes of times I've ever seen!"

"Oh. Well then. I guess I stopped at the library and got the Spanish, French, and Dutch CDs for nothing then."

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed. I grabbed my Nintendo DS before running out of the room as fast as I could.


	5. Witty Goggles

Witty Goggles

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. But I think I might just buy myself a pair of tinted goggles after this.**

Matt's POV:

I woke up, yawning and stretching. It was a Saturday morning, and I had plenty of mischief up my sleeve. After putting on a long sleeve shirt, jeans, and my furry vest I opened my blinds. Watarti was always nagging me to open them, so I thought I'd beat him to the punch. Although, with my luck, he'd be so shocked he have a heart attack and die.

All of a sudden, I staggered backward, clutching my face. My eyes were burning! What was wrong with me? Was I like, a vampire or something?

"MELLO!" I bellowed. "Get down here!" He was my best friend and maybe he knew something that I didn't.

I heard _thud thud thud thud thud_ on the stairs and moments later Mello burst in my room.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I-I can't see. Am I going blind? Everything's too bright!"

"Okay, okay, just….just calm down. I'm gonna close the curtains okay? That's all I'm doing is closing the curtains."

While I sat, huddled in a ball with my hands covering my eyes and tears streaming down my face, I heard Mello move to the other side of the room. I heard the curtains closing, and Mello walking over towards me.

He knelt next to me and I could smell his chocolate breath. His hands grabbed my wrists and gently pulled them away from my face. His thumbs wiped the tears away, and prodded my eyelids open.

I instantly recoiled and screamed "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Matt, Matt, what's wrong, what is it? Did I poke you in the eye?"

"I already told you! It's too bright!"

"Matt, get a hold of yourself! It's already dark in here-WAIT! I have an idea!"

Mello jumped up and grabbed my arm. "Follow me!" He called. He put his arms on my shoulders and steered my through Wammy's house while I kept my eyes covered with my hands.

"Okay, okay, you're doing just fine." Mello called words of encouragement while I stumbled around like a blind idiot. "Now step up, and again, and again, we're getting close to the top, almost there, now…okay! We're there! Now turn left. Noooooooooooooooooooooow, sit down. Right here."

I felt a stool hit the back of my legs and promptly sat down. I heard rustling and shoving and the sliding of junk around the room.

"Try these on for size," said Mello, stretching something around my head. I moved my hands, and it was a miracle. I could see! I couldn't believe it!

And what did Mello put on my face you ask? Tinted goggles!

"I don't know why," said Mello "and I don't really care; but apparently you can only see while wearing tinted goggles.

He walked around me, looking me over and studying me while I sat there under his speculation.

"Mello?" I called, hating to interrupt his train of thought. He 'hmmmed' so I took that as encouragement to go on. "What's wrong with me?"

"Well, honestly, I don't know where to begin. There's a lot of things wrong with you—"

"Mello! I'm serious! Why do I need goggles to see?"

"Well, to tell you the truth, Matt, I think you just have sensitive eyes."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."


End file.
